Is avoidant attachment real? Or was I not attractive enough?

Genuinely I don't think she ever loved me,our whole relationship I felt like we were so platonic it hurt. I've started believing into all sorts of copes that her friends embedded into my mind "you're the boy, you have to be the one who's affectionate" or "you're the boy, you have to show the most interest" , and yes, they're right, but I felt so under-appreciated and neglected, and I'm gonna sound like such an egotistical prick, but I expected at least the bare minimum, some reassurance from time to time, affection maybe.

My breaking point was a combination of the countless times she flinched away from me when we tried kissing. The first time I thought "oh, must've scared her,my bad" , then the second time,third time,fourth time,fifth time, ok bruh there's literally no way I'm this repulsive.and the fact that the literal only time she would be able to express her love to me was when she was drunk,which I think speaks volumes on its own

We broke up, but I genuinely feel like texting her that I miss her every single day, and it's so pathetic that my fuckass brain wants to pick a miserable relationship just to fill this empty void of loneliness.

I'm fully convinced that if I was more attractive none of this would occur.